News Of The Weird - Florida Style!

I found my jaw dropping repeatedly this morning at some of the bizarre news stories in today's paper. I even had to read a couple of them aloud to Captain America, as they were just too funny! His comment was, "That's Florida for you." And you know... he's right. Here in the land of hanging chads, beaches, mosquitoes and gators, we do things a little differently. Perhaps a little TOO differently:

MALE OFFICER IN WIG, MINISKIRT ACCUSED OF DUI
A male probation officer wearing a blond wig, black miniskirt, fishnet stockings and no shoes has been charged with driving under the influence and drug possession. Oh, and he's the son of the county's Public Defender (Daddy must be so proud!)

GAS GIVEAWAY FUELS CRASHES AND ARREST
A personal injury attorney and a hip/hop radio station sponsored a free gas giveaway for the first 102 people who showed up at a Wal-Mart gas station. Not only did 3000 people show up, but there was a near-riot, resulting in four separate traffic accidents, and a man charged with battery for hitting a woman who cut in line in front of him. (I'd say this is a clear case of the personal injury attorney creating business for himself!)

ROBBERY SCAM INVOLVES FALSE SNAKE REMOVAL
Evidently, you should never open your door to strangers who claim they were hired to remove poisonous snakes from your property, because if you do, you might get your hand "accidentally" sprayed with so-called poisonous snake venom and be forced to submerge it in warm water and milk for ten minutes. Oh, and while you're soaking your hand in the kitchen, the snake handlers will be upstairs ransacking your jewelry box. (Like, DUH!)

DEFENSE CITES MYSTERIOUS VOICES IN OPENING OF DECAPITATION TRIAL
Hmm... apparently, if you burst in on your ex-girlfriend while she's having sex with her new boyfriend, kill him, chop off his head with a machete and place it on the hood of her car, you can claim that it was the voices that came through the radio while you were listening to rock n' roll oldies that told you to do it. (It wasn't Mick Jagger, was it?)

And finally, some good news:

HEMINGWAY'S SIX-TOED CATS ARE STAYING
The Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum in Key West have reached an agreement with the federal government that lets the 50 or so cats (descendents of six-toed cat named "Snowball" owned by the author in 1935) continue to freely roam the grounds of Hemingway's old home, ending a five-year battle that could've had them removed or caged. (C'mon now, doesn't the government have bigger fish to fry than fighting for five years over a bunch of well-cared for, healthy, tourist-drawing CATS?)

Geesh. I love a happy ending...