Monday, July 02, 2007

Winners of the "Wedding Stories From Hell" Contest!

Well, I thought I'd attended a few bad weddings in my day, but you guys take the (wedding) cake! I had a hard time choosing the winner of the worst/best "wedding from hell" story, until TIANNA sent in this one:

When I was 25, my best friend’s wedding was a fiasco. Her brother-in-law tried to french kiss me in front of my husband who had a fit and threatened to use his military training to do major damage.

The bride and groom waltzed across the dance floor gracefully, until he dipped her deeply and promptly dropped her. Afterward, the groom got drunk and urinated in a potted plant on the edge of the dance floor and his pants fell around his ankles. Afterward, everyone had a blast telling the bride of his insufficiencies.

The mother of the bride spent hours before the ceremony wrapping rice in lace so all one had to do was untie the ribbon and throw the rice. Many people chose to throw little rice missiles at the couple, giving the bride a black eye. She fell against the groom when hit with the rice, pushed him down the steps of the hotel and he broke his leg. They spent their wedding night in the hospital and their dream trip, a honeymoon in Hawaii, was cancelled.

TIANNA is the winner of an autographed ARC of DEAD GIRLS ARE EASY, and has my thanks for making me laugh so hard my stomach hurt! But there were a couple of other really good stories, too, so I've decided to award both OLIVIA and SHEILA with autographed cover flats and other goodies from me and fellow Avon authors Julia Quinn, Jenna Peterson and Kerrelyn Sparks.

Olivia's story about about an unfortunately cake-cutting incident made me cringe (talk about adding insult to injury!):
Posed with knife in hand, the bride and groom smiled at each other while the photographer angled for that perfect shot. The cake was a glorious creation with four tiers towering over a bubbly water fountain. Three more tiers of cake stood on either side with miniature bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up on bridges reaching from the main cake. Real flowers adorned the sides and floated in the fountain.

The groom moved, slipped, and fell into the table.

The guests watched in horror as the top tiers of the cake seemed to slowly shift off the towering pillars, slide into one of the side cakes and crash to the floor.

I was not a wedding guest, but the caterer who had made the cake, too. Then the brides mother had the gall to blame us that the cake was set up incorrectly and demanded a refund.

While SHEILA'S sharing of her not-so-intimate honeymoon experience made me giggle for days!
My husband-to-be and I were poor as poor could be. My father offered to set up his camper at a nice state park. At about 3:00 in the afternoon on a bright Florida day, we arrived at our beautiful honeymoon spot in a car clearly marked with "just married". Other campers were enjoying the afternoon and the park was full. We raced inside and consummated our vows only to discover my father hadn't put down the stabilizers. So the camper had shaken from side to side. When we walked outside, the entire campground clapped.

Thanks so much to everyone who entered for sharing your wedding stories from hell! Tianna, Olivia and Sheila - your goodies are in the mail!


~~Olivia said...

Tianna wins hands down! What else could go wrong in that wedding?

What great stories from everyone! Thanks for the laugh, Terri!

Terri said...

A French-kissing groomsman; a clumsy, drunken, classless groom who ends up with a broken leg; overzealous guests who don't know to untie the rice bags; a bride with a black eye, and a cancelled honeymoon. You're right, Olivia - what else could possibly go wrong?

Personally, I think the bride pushed the groom down the stairs on purpose!! LOL