As I mentioned last week, I've been asked to participate in a ghoulishly themed anthology entitled "WEDDINGS FROM HELL"(Avon Books, May 2008).
Fellow authors Maggie Shayne, Kathryn Smith, Jeaniene Frost and I will put together four fiendish tales of paranormal pandemonium centered around (you guessed it!) big, fat supernatural weddings. :)
In keeping with that theme, my June 2007 contest is called "Wedding Stories From Hell"!
Leave me a comment here on my blog, or send me a private email by clicking on the happy couple, and tell me a story about the worst wedding you've ever attended; the ugliest bridesmaid dress you've ever seen (or had to wear), the most embarrassing wedding toast you've ever heard, the biggest Bridezilla you'v ever had to put up with, the drunken groomsman who groped you at the reception - whatever wedding horror you've had to endure! The winner will win a signed ARC of Dead Girls Are Easy, and I'll feature the top three stories on my blog and my website.
Good luck, and I can't wait to hear about your wedding stories from hell!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
June Contest - Wedding Stories From Hell
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13 comments:
Ok, Terri - I'll kick it off. I was once asked to be a bridesmaid for a family member (it was her third wedding, and I couldn't stand the groom, but that's beside the point). I was expecting my first child and just beginning to show. Imagine my horror when I found out I was going to have to wear a tight-fitting yellow satin sheath dress (do you know how badly satin wrinkles?) My baby bump looked distorted to begin with, but when I sat down to wait for the bride, I arose with bands of wrinkles just below the hump, and no time to iron the dress before the ceremony.
So I'm standing in front of the church, looking like a badly wrinkled banana in an overtight peel, when I began to feel faint. And then... you guessed it... I did!
It was truly the most humiliating moment of my life, but the good news was, I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid for wedding #4! LOL
Let's see...
There was the wedding where to everyone's surprise a belly dancer showed up to an late '70s lap dance for the groom...in front of everyone. Needless to say that marriage didn't last the year.
Then there was the wedding where the best man toasted his brother and future sister-in-law by saying, "I hope yous guys have better luck than me." Yup! Many mouths dropped to the floor that night. We still cringe when he's about to make a toast.
Does the world's longest wedding with the least amount of edible food and loudest music count?
A lap dancer at the wedding?! Oh, that's a good one! I'm sure the bride really appreciated it...
Yellow satin? Ugh. I hope your baby wasn't permanently scarred by the experience! :)
Let's see...it wasn't a horror story but there was the wedding where, as soon as the bridal party got to the reception all the groomsmen and the groom immediately put on their ball caps. Not new ball caps either but their dirty old working out in the yard ball caps. They looked really good with their tuxes.
Or the wedding where the bride had a terrible stomach virus and kept having to leave the ceremony to throw up.
Most of my tales are fun rather than hellish *grin* although I could share some from my first wedding if we change the names to protect the innocent (ie me!).
Fun ones include the vicar who halts his sermon to give the latest cricket score to the assmebled congregation. The ring boy who said loudly to the vicar during the ceremony that he was bored and to get a move on. This same boy interrupted the father of the bride speech with 'come on grandad, stop talking. I want some cake.'
You might appreciate this one - the bride, a friend of mine, arrives at the church and gets out of the wedding car. Crowd gasps. It looks like she's been stabbed in the chest and there's blood down the front of her beautiful gown.
What actually happened is that the florist had forgotten to cut the stamens out of the flowers in her bouquet and that awful red pollen from the lilies had gone onto the gown. As you probably know that stuff is a killer to get out. So we have hysterical bride who thinks her dress (and the pictures) are ruined. And a whole bunch of us standing round her blowing at the pollen and whisking at her with hankies to get it off without staining. Someone found some nail scissors in their handbag and began attacking her bouquet to prevent any more getting on her.
Luckily most of it came off and she was able to use the bouquet to hide the stains for the pics.
Can't wait to see what you do to Nicki!
We were in a wedding in a castle in Holland. As part of the service we had to sign our names in the registars book. When it was my turn and I stood up on my new leather-soled shoes, I started gliding across the hardwood floor like an ice skater.
Unfortunately, the gentlemen with the pen in his hand looked about 80 years old and his eyes got the size of silver dollars seeing me heading toward him completely out of control. Just at the last moment, I righted myself and was able to grab onto the table and alleviate a disaster. One of the groom's brothers criticized me for trying to become the center of attention....go figure!
Marlene
I was scheduled to be the bridesmaid in a wedding in Tahoe, so to make a fun vacation out of it, went camping the few days beforehand. The bride and rest of the party brought my dress, etc, up with them. Unfortunately, she forgot the strapless bra that went with the dress. Being young and perky *snerk* I went without, not realizing until too late that the dress was quite sheer... and see-through.
Probably not the right look for my mom's wedding, huh?
My husband-to-be and I were poor as poor could be. My father offered to set up his camper at a nice state park. At about 3:00 in the afternoon on a bright Florida day, we arrived at our beautiful honeymoon spot in a car clearly marked with "just married". Other campers were enjoying the afternoon and the park was full. We raced inside and consummated our vows only to discover my father hadn't put down the stabilizers. So the camper had shaken from side to side. When we walked outside, the entire campground clapped.
Omigosh, my sides are hurting! "If this camper's rockin', dont come a'knockin'!" LOLOL
Chilly nips at Mom's wedding, ice-skating in Holland, BAD florist, cheeky kids, a bride with food poisoning and groomsmen who feel underdressed without their ball caps.
I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!! Truth is always stranger than fiction...
It was my cousin’s wedding. A lavish wedding with two hundred guests, a lot of flowers and all chandeliers blazing in the big church at 7 pm. The lovely bride walked down the aisle on her father’s arm. The catholic priest started, “Dearly beloved…” Suddenly the lights went out, the church turned dark, actually pitch black. Many women screamed. The bride started crying. The groom, best man and ushers took off their jackets and rolled up their sleeves to fiddle with the lamps and switches. The priest asked someone to call an electrician who said he would be there in a couple of hours. The bride sobbed. Her brother asked several guests to move their cars and turn them so that they faced the door of the church, and to turn on their headlights. Everyone took their places. The priest started again and proceeded at light speed. The bride hiccupped an “I do,” and rushed out. Needless to say there were no pictures of the ceremony. Ten years later they are still married and telling the story while laughing.
Mona
The wedding and reception went without a hitch and everyone was commenting on how smooth it all went. Until it was time to cut the cake.
Posed with knife in hand, the bride and groom smiled at each other while the photographer angled for that perfect shot. The cake was a glorious creation with four tiers towering over a bubbly water foutain. Three more tiers of cake stood on either side with miniture bridesmades and groomsmen lined up on bridges reaching from the main cake. Real flowers adorned the sides and floated in the fountain.
The groom moved, slipped, and fell into the table.
The guests watched in horror as the top tiers of the cake seemed to slowly shift off the towering pillars, slide into one of the side cakes and crash to the floor.
I was not a wedding guest, but the caterer who had made the cake, too. Then the brides mother had the gall to blame us that the cake was set up incorrectly and demanded a refund.
Oh, my heart just sank picturing that gorgeous cake toppling over! I hope you didn't give them that refund, Olivia! (and too bad you didn't capture it on film - America's Funniest Home Videos would've loved that one!)
That reminded me of the wedding I went to where the maid-of-honor was supposed to pick up the cake before the wedding, but when she got to the bakery, they had no record of the order ever being placed! No one told the bride until AFTER the ceremony so she wouldn't pitch a fit until after the knot was tied, then we had a lovely reception with her perfectly average cake supplied in a hurry by the bakery.
And Mona, how clever of the bride's brother to think of the headlights. Necessity is truly the mother of invention!
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