Oh. My.

I love my husband. I really do. In fact, I've been known to... dare I say it? Gush. Fourteen years of marriage, three kids, the house in suburbia and all that jazz. I look forward every evening to the time he comes home after work, but I could never live up to the tips from this article from Housekeeping Monthly in 1955, entitled 'The Good Wife's Guide':

'Prepare the children. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. At the time of his arrival, minimize all noise.'
Prepare the children and keep them quiet? As in tie them to their chairs, slick back their hair and stuff socks in their mouths?

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner without you, even if he stays out all night. Never question his actions or ask questions about where he's been.
Yeah, right. That'll happen.

Be cheerful and interesting. His boring day may need a lift and it's your duty to provide it.
Lift this, buddy. (It's called a vacuum.)

Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Only if you truly enjoy hearing about stocks, financial planning, interest rates, and the crisis in Iraq. Oh, and let's not forget germaphobia, the benefits of exercise, wheat grass and obscure vitamins that nobody's ever heard of, and the value of alway wearing clean underwear. (I'm serious.)

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll look refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.
Um... gee. Thanks for the 15 minutes to rest, even if it's just for his benefit.

We women have sure come a long way, baby! I'm far from being the perfect spouse, and so is he. Luckily, I love him anyway. And luckily, he loves me, too, even if I forget to put a ribbon in my hair.